Search for Meaning Book Festival

Posted on February 26, 2017 by davidrkopacz

Yesterday was the 3rd Search for Meaning Book Festival since moving to Seattle. This is put on yearly by Seattle University and every year I learn about fantastic authors and have met amazing people.

I was getting ready to go in to see artist and author Salma Kamlesh Arastu’s talk on “Seeking Oneness,” when my friend and co-author, Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow), called me with a couple of ideas and visions for our next book, Becoming Medicine. In one of the visions, Joseph said he saw Picuris Pueblo, where he grew up, but instead of houses, there was mist, and then cosmic beings came to him and said, “You are a Mist-ical Being, you are now responsible for the mist-eries we are bringing to the people.” He explained that people should be respected as they get older because they hold the past – however the older you get the more spiritual responsibility you have as well. What he said this vision showed him was that there is a parallel reality to this one because as the mist cleared, he could see the houses at Picuris, but that there was an exact copy of the village up above the village. He said the people in both villages go about their days without awareness of those living just above/below the reality that they are living. Joseph often tells me that we should be always seeking our Higher Goodness and I wonder if this is part of what this vision means, that there is a way for us to live that has more Higher Goodness in it than the way that we are now living.

Anyway…I told Joseph, I better getting going to this lecture, it is on Seeking Oneness and if there is only One, I’m not sure what I’ll get if I am late – maybe just 0.95, that’s not the same as Oneness. We both had a good laugh at that and I went into the lecture.

Salma Kamlesh Arastu is an amazing artist and an embodiment of Higher Goodness! She spoke of her artist’s journey from her work with Embracing All in the Rhythm of the Lyrical Line, to her Celebration of Calligraphy, her work with Turning Rumi, and most recently her Unity of Sacred Symbols and Texts and Unity Mandalas.

She said in her talk, “I speak the Language of the Heart and I know we all speak the Language of the Heart.” She briefly spoke of her journey in the world, from her birth in India into the Sindi.Hindu tradition, to her life in Iran and Kuwait, her marriage and embrace of Islam, to now living in Berkeley, California where she has her studio.

Her art journey started with loopy, calligraphy-like paintings of people, a style shown above. Her first art book, The Lyrical Line, illustrates her work from 1998 – 2008.

She said she also started to copy Arabic calligraphy, marveling in its beauty without knowing the meaning of the words and this led to the collection in her book, Celebration of Calligraphy.

Her next evolution in her work happened when she began turning through the pages of the poet, Rumi, and she created a series of paintings that were inspired by lines from Rumi. She also has been inspired by the Hindu saint and ecstatic, bhakti poet, Meera Bai. Her book, Turning Rumi: Singing Verses of Love, Unity, and Freedom collects her work of this period.

Her most recent work has been to seek the unity in the world religions and to capture their words and truth in written words over beautiful multi-dimensional paintings. She says paints the same words over and over again, using thinned acrylic paint to create a multi-dimensional image. “Each prayer that I paint, over and over again,” she says, “is like a healing for me.” This has led to her book, Unity of Sacred Symbols and Texts.

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Verses About the Oneness of God

Salma said that as a child, her mother would tell her, “You are created for a special reason – it is up to you to find out what it is.” Salma Kamlesh Arastu’s artwork reveals that special reason that she was created.

Please visit Salma’s website and look through her beautiful artwork.

The next talk I went to was by Corinna Nicolaou titled A None’s Story: Searching for Meaning Inside Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism & Islam, which is also the title of her book. “Nones” she says, are the fastest growing self-reported religious affiliation. This is the group of people who do not identify with a particular religious affiliation. However, this does not mean that they are not spiritual or do not pray or even believe in God. She says that Nones are different than Atheists, by ticking the box of “none” for religious affiliation, they are more rejecting organized religion than spirituality or God. She cites research from the Pew Research Center that 30% of people under the age 30 report no religious affiliation. She quotes Putnam and Campbell, from their book American Grace: How Religion Divides and Unites Us, that Nones distance themselves from religion because “they think of religious people as hypocritical, judgmental, or insincere.”

She writes that she started her quest through “a desperate search for the bits and pieces that might make my pot whole,” (A None’s Story, oo5). With a sense of humor and the spirit of a true seeker, Corinna Nicolaou embarks on a four-year journey of church, temple, and mosque attendance, seeking to learn from the inside what each of these religions has to offer and to teach. In her talk, she said that “Religions provide a space to ask the questions about living and dying.” In her book she concludes “No matter what religious road I was on, it seemed to lead back to the idea that we come from, and eventually return to, a common source. We are parts of a whole. We can be different and still make up a healthy totality. I had long ago given up trying to make sense of how I might define ‘God.’ I figured God was too complex a concept and could be imagined a number of ways. I was driving in my car one afternoon not even thinking about any of this stuff when these words popped into my head: God is that which unites us all…I suppose that’s the best definition I’ll ever have of God,” (266).

A person in the audience at the talk asked about the loneliness of not belonging to a particular religious community. Corrina Nicolaou spoke to this and it sparked a question of my own that I wrote in my notebook, “What to do when no one religion feels like home, but all do?” In her book she writes about this. “To commit to none, but to call on all: what would that look like on day-to-day practical terms? With no official place of worship to call home, my spiritual practices will be mostly self-guided,” (283). She jokes about making the rounds of religious places of worship again, “A-to-Z,” and that she could “draw the boundaries of my spiritual identity ever larger” (285).

I kept looking at the back inside cover of the dust jacket. It is an irregular circle with colors of blue, red, yellow, and green in it. I thought, “Why is it irregular?” “Why this little splotch of splashed colors?” Ahh, I get it, the front cover of her book has four separate colors of circles and the one circle at the back brings together her journey into one mulit-colored circle, a little lop-sided, because we are not perfect and the journey is never over. Oh, yes, and I see that her name is written in four different colored letters! Beautiful, that visually sums up the journey!

Oh, yes, and one more thing, the talk that Corrina Nicolaou gave was in the Vachon Gallery at Seattle University and hanging behind her is a beautiful painting by Salma Kamlesh Arastu called “Equal Rewards.” I asked Salma, later, what the name of this painting was and she said, “Equal Rewards – men and women get equal rewards.” I think this applies to all seekers as well, no matter where you are seeking, you will get equal rewards because the reward does not come from the place you are seeking, but it comes from the journey of seeking and it is spoken, whispered to you, in the Language of the Heart.

One last thing to mention, at both these talks I spoke with another audience member afterwards. Angie Louthan is quitting her job as a pre-school teacher in order to bring into existence The Kind Fest. You can contact her at: AngieLouthan@gmail.com, website still under construction for the event.

She is planning to host it in Everett, Washington in September. I think this is a much-needed event to focus on manifesting kindness in these times. I wrote about the Compassion Revolution in health care in the past and I am very concerned about the hardening of the American heart and the deafening of American ears so that it is harder and harder to hear what Salma Arastu calls the Language of the Heart. Actually, on the way to the Search for Meaning Book Festival, I had seen a yard sign in our neighborhood:

Making a Choice for Peace & Truth

Posted on February 17, 2017 by davidrkopacz

Lately it can feel like Peace & Truth are being eclipsed, that they are in danger of being crushed by separation, division, and the darkness of untruth and un-peace. I have been thinking a lot about choices that we all make as individuals and collectively and how those choices can be made from a place of self-centeredness or a place of interconnectedness. I have thought a lot about my social media and on-line presence. On the one hand I am an author of a book on self-care for clinicians (Re-humanizing Medicine) and a book on healing trauma and PTSD for veterans (Walking the Medicine Wheel). However, on the other hand, I see myself my work as being an advocate for human rights and for peace – these are the larger principles that my work with the specific books grows out of. I don’t want to contribute to further divisiveness in the world by expressing partisan viewpoints. I also don’t want to alienate my readers who hold a different political viewpoint than I do. My political viewpoint is not an end in itself, rather it is the best choice of alternative options given my larger and deeper conviction around peace and universal human rights. I come to the conclusion that when peace and human rights are threatened, it is my responsibility, in keeping with my larger and deeper principles, that I need to speak up. Choosing sides between political parties is not my purpose or intent, rather I am speaking up in favor of Peace & Truth, and speaking out about the abuses and manipulations of un-peace and un-truth (which might be more grammatically correct to say war/conflict and lies). Therefore, I will be writing about political topics when they are a threat to Peace & Truth.

I have been working with Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow) who is an international advocate for peace through his vision of the Peace Chambers and his work to bring his vision into reality in the Americas, Europe, and Australia where these chambers have been built. I just spent a weekend visiting Joseph and we took a road trip across the high desert of New Mexico. We crossed the continental divide – that place where the waters fall either to the east or to the west, depending on which side of the divide they are on. The health and prosperity of the country depends on waters flowing both to the east or to the west. We have this continental divide in our country and we are continually called to try to “form a more perfect union” of the two sides of our country. There is an imbalance in the country if goodness only flows in one direction. There is a loss of peace when a “Me First” mentality tries to take things from others and tries to divide and separate the parts from the larger connection to the whole. The motto of the United States is e pluribus unum and this means “out of many, one.”

After my visit with Joseph I stopped at Petroglyph National Monument and walked around looking at all the different petroglyphs, estimated to date back 400-700 years per the park brochure. These different symbols and images were made by human hands and they still speak after hundreds of years, although we do not always know what they are saying. What I heard them saying was a reminder about our interconnection to each other and to the world around us. As I walked south, the Sandia Mountain was off to the east in the distance and I walked along a smaller ridge to the west covered with boulders which were in turn covered with these drawings of human beings long dead who were still speaking if we would listen. I heard about the interconnection of east and west. Joseph says that the east is our mental dimension and the west is our physical dimension. I could hear how the petroglyphs spoke out to and witnessed the rising sun and I could feel the correspondence between this small ridge and the larger Sandia.

Sandia Mountain, looking east, note the cloud figure.

As I was going through the photos I saw the similarity between the cloud figure (above) and the petroglyph (below). Although I cannot tell you everything the cloud and stone were saying to each other, I can tell you it is ancient and it is about interconnection and our place in the world relative to all of our brothers and sisters, which includes not just all of our human brothers and sisters, but our brothers and sisters of the plants, animals, stones, and clouds. It is an echo of the dialogue between Father Sky and Mother Earth. It is a sacred song, a sacred story, and we would do well to listen to it.

First I walked from the spiritual north to the emotional south, as I walked this path, a road runner was scooting about in the brush. Eventually, I lost track of it, then heard it calling, perched up above on the rocks, silhouetted by the brilliant blue sky.

Joseph Rael describes the road from the north to the south as the “red road.” This balances out our usual black road connecting our thoughts and the physical world (which we so often manifest through black top roads across our country). A little bird hopped around in the scrub to the east while the road runner called from the west.

I was particularly looking for a rock that had a number of hands carved on it. Joseph says that we are all “holy beings.” He says that when he was growing up on Picuris Pueblo, he was taught that all children were cosmic beings. An elder would talk about the stars in the sky and the sand grains on the ground and tell the children that they are cosmic beings, that they are the grains of sand just as they are also the stars in the sky – the children were taught that they were “cosmic beings” who were related to the earth and the sky.

I turned back around and started walking south to north. Now there were two road runners rushing about in the brush. Seeing a road runner is supposed to be good luck, and here were two of them running back and forth the path in front of me.

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It was getting close to time for me to head home. Joseph says that in the Tiwa language, the meaning of the word “home” is “the self-loving place.” How well are we loving ourselves – not selfishly, but selflessly, loving ourselves in a way that includes love for our human brothers and sisters, for our animal and bird brothers and sisters, for the stones who are our brothers and sisters, and for the Earth and Sky which are our parents? I can’t comprehend the current policies of the United States which seem more like the Divided States, that seems to value separation and division over unity, that seems to value conflict and threat over Peace, and that seems to value “alternative facts” over Truth. Joseph will often joke that people call him a shaman and he will say, “I don’t know about that, I just work here.” I guess that is the approach I am taking – I don’t understand why there is such an appeal in the United States for bullying, divisiveness, and conflict, but “I just work here,” and my job is to be seeking Peace & Truth. My job is to be speaking Peace & Truth. My job is to be walking Peace & Truth.

The End of E pluribus Unum? The De-evolution from “Out of Many, One” to ME First

Posted on January 29, 2017 by davidrkopacz

By U.S. Government – Extracted from PDF version of Our Flag, available here (direct PDF URL here.), Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=41373752

The motto of the United States is E pluribus unum, which is Latin for “Out of many, one.” Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow) and I have written about the importance of this motto in our book, Walking the Medicine Wheel: Healing Trauma & PTSD. This motto is of crucial importance for helping veterans return home after war and reconnect to their own hearts and to society, which is why Joseph and I wrote about it, but it is also crucial for all of us and the very fabric of democracy. Veterans were trained to view other human beings as “the enemy” and this sense of separation is what makes violence possible. It is this sense of separation that makes violence continue and it is the opposite of peace. There cannot be peace when others are seen as separate. There cannot be peace when people are viewed as “others.” “The heart of violence is the divided and separated heart,” we write, the heart of violence is “the heart that cannot see other hearts as interrelated and interconnected.”

Violence has its roots in the false idea of separation. Physically we appear separate, but even physically we are in a complex web of life with animals, plants, and the earth. When we begin to speak about human realities beyond the physical: emotion, heart, intuition, and spirit, the idea of ourselves as separate beings no longer makes sense. One can only be violent against someone or something seen as “other” (Kopacz & Rael, Walking the Medicine Wheel, 214).

Currently in the world, we are seeing more division and separation than coming together in unity. The ban on citizens of Iran, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, and Yemen from entering our Nation of Immigrants is the latest and most extreme example of this. This breaks my heart and it breaks the heart of democracy. I worry for the future because, through my work with Joseph, I know that peace depends upon unity and that the current mania for separation and division is very dangerous. The rise of nationalism has historically been associated with violence for the very fact that an over-emphasis on “me first” leads to seeing “others” as getting in my way. We teach our little children, “Don’t rush to the front of the line, don’t push others aside.” We teach our children to respect others, and yet respect has been one of the first casualties in the current national and world-wide Me First Movement. In a very, very short time, the public dialogue has shifted so far toward disrespect and hatefulness that people feel justified in hate speech and separation speech.

We are seeing the rise of nationalism world-wide: Brexit, throughout Europe, the Philippines, the United States, Russia, and within the European Union. Nationalism very easily leads to violence against “others” and once the mad dog of nationalism is let off leash, even a country’s own people can all too easily be labeled as “others.”

Our institutions of unity and collectivism are being seen as obsolete, holding us back, ineffective. The institution of democracy, the United Nations, NATO, the European Union―these are the organizations that we have created to moderate human selfishness in order to promote peace and equality. Parker Palmer, in his book Healing the Heart of Democracy, writes that democracy is one of the ways that we, as human beings, seek to civilize ourselves. Palmer sees democracy as one of our best tools of civilization and that these tools “constitute the core self-hood called the human heart” (Palmer, 81).

For those of us who want to see democracy survive and thrive―and we are legion―the heart is where everything begins: that grounded place in each of us where we can overcome fear, rediscover that we are members of one another, and embrace the conflicts that threaten democracy as openings to new life and for our nation. (Palmer, 10).

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How much are we the people of the United States of America making decisions from the heart? To what extent are our current elected officials leading from the heart? What will happen to us if we give up on unity, if we glorify everything falling apart? Louis Ferdinand Céline, writing about World War I, wrote that people had become “madder than mad dogs” because dogs don’t worship their madness.

Could I, I thought, be the last coward on earth? How terrifying! … All alone with two million stark raving heroic madmen, armed to the eyeballs? With and without helmets, without horses, on motorcycles, bellowing, in cars, screeching, shooting, plotting, flying, kneeling, digging, taking cover, bounding over trails, root-toot-tooting, shut up on earth as if it were a loony bin ready to demolish everything on it, Germany, France, whole continents, everything that breathes, destroy, destroy, madder than mad dogs, worshipping their madness (which dogs don’t) a hundred, a thousand times madder than a thousand dogs, and a lot more vicious! A pretty mess we’re in! (Céline, Journey to the End of the Night).

Céline bore witness to the brutality of World War I and he calls himself a “coward” because he doesn’t want to join in the blood bath of killing “others.” However, non-violence has been raised to a spiritual virtue and political power by people like Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi. (Céline did succumb to his own madness and cowardice in turning against the Jewish people in the lead-up to World War II, and citing him here in regard to World War I in no way condones his later anti-Semitism). I choose to quote Céline because his phrase “madder than mad dogs, worshipping their madness (which dogs don’t)” keeps echoing in my mind this past week. There is something very scary about a strain of U.S. politics that is worshipping madness, division, and hatred. This is happening in the United States of America―right now, yet it has roots going back over the past decades, and honestly back to the history of the European colonization of this land.

Going back to the early days of the U.S. “war on terror,” journalist, Andrew Cohen, wrote “Our journey toward Abu Ghraib began in earnest with a single document — written and signed without the knowledge of the American people” (The Atlantic, “The Torture Memos, 10 Years Later,” February 6, 2012). Cohen continues:

On February 7, 2002 — ten years ago to the day, tomorrow — President George W. Bush signed a brief memorandum titled “Humane Treatment of Taliban and al Qaeda Detainees.” The caption was a cruel irony, an Orwellian bit of business, because what the memo authorized and directed was the formal abandonment of America’s commitment to key provisions of the Geneva Convention. This was the day, a milestone on the road to Abu Ghraib: that marked our descent into torture — the day, many would still say, that we lost part of our soul.

White House Counsel, Alberto Gonzales wrote that the Geneva Conventions should not restrain the United States any longer in how we treat prisoners. “In my judgment, this new paradigm renders obsolete Geneva’s strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners and renders quaint some of its provisions,” he wrote. I remember this as a very disturbing philosophical position our government took as it eroded the work of many countries and peoples work to prevent war crimes. When we stop appealing to our higher humanity and to our collective sense of ourselves as brothers and sisters―even while temporarily enemies―we not only take away what makes others human, but we lose our humanity as well. This is because humanity is a two-way street of interaction and of unity. Humanity is a state of being and when we take away this human state of being from others (whether they be Muslims, women, African-Americans, American Indians, people with different sexual orientations or identities, or anyone who disagrees with us), we lose our own humanity as well and we risk becoming mad dogs worshipping our madness as we have let ourselves of the leash of humanity. It is difficult to understand the current anti-immigrant sentiment in the U.S. because anyone who is not a full-blooded American Indian is an immigrant to the United States. The current president of the United States is an immigrant, as are most of us who have come together as one people in the United States.

It breaks my heart to see the people of the world turn our backs on the institutions we have worked so hard to create that call forth our higher humanity and work to promote peace. What we are witnessing is a kind of war of the many against the One. This break-down of our sense of shared humanity paves the way for dangerous economic and social policies and paves the way for violence against “others” whose humanity we have taken away, thereby losing our own humanity.

By Source (WP:NFCC#4), Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=39992533

One of our primary global institutions of peace is the United Nations. The United Nations includes 193 states and serves as the earth’s only inclusive organization that promotes peace between countries and condemns violence. The newly appointed U.S. Ambassador to the U.N., Nikki Haley threatened the organization in her first speech, saying that “we are taking names” and repeating that “this is a time of strength” (Somini Senguptajan, “Nikki Haley Puts U.N. on Notice: U.S. Is ‘Taking Names,’” The New York Times online, January 27, 2017). The speeches and positions coming out of the current administration sound more like those of school-yard bullies than of elected democratic officials. “War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength,” this motto of George Orwell’s dystopian society in his book, 1984, warns us about the kind of rhetoric we are now hearing from the Nation of Immigrants. The ME First Movement does not play well with others and it distorts facts and reality to suit its needs.

Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow) was recognized by the United Nations in a 2/20/89 letter for his work promoting peace through building Peace Chambers on four different continents. What Joseph has taught me is that the work of peace is spiritual work, and spiritual work is what makes us true human beings. Peace requires us to be seekers of our common goodness, our common shared humanity. The place that we find this common goodness and unity is in our hearts.

If we remember E pluribus unum on the Great Seal of the United States, we will remember that we are called to work toward an ideal that moves us from our many individual identities into a larger Union. E pluribus unum is Latin for “Out of many, one.” This identity is not just the social body of peacemakers, it is also the mystical and spiritual identity of visionaries and mystics. This is the realm of unity that Joseph is familiar with as a visionary and healer, (Kopacz & Rael, 215).

If we focus on separation and division, we not only destroy peace, we promote violence. This is why Joseph and I say that we all must move from seeing each other as “other” and move toward seeing each other as brother and sister.

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Walking the Medicine Wheel selected as one of Courage & Renewal’s Favorite Courageous Books of 2016!

Posted on December 16, 2016 by davidrkopacz

It has been a busy couple of months with the book launch, with the biggest news being that Walking the Medicine Wheel was selected as one of Courage & Renewal’s Favorite Courageous Books of 2016!

I did a book event at University of Washington Bookstore on 12/7/16.

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Joseph and I did a book reading at BookWorks in Albuquerque, New Mexico 11/10/16 and that was great fun presenting together!

I presented at the 3rd annual Mayo Clinic Humanities in Medicine Symposium with the title, “Walking the Medicine Wheel & the Hero’s Journey: Models of Initiation for Veterans’ Homecoming.” This was on 11/4/16 and I really enjoyed it and I met some great people with good hearts. For instance, I met artist Richard Retter who led us in some creative painting exercises.

I also found a statue outside in the desert garden called, “Transformations of the Shaman.”

In Albuquerque I met a Dine (Navajo) Code talker and visited the small Chapel of Our Lady of Guadalupe that had a stained glass moon phase calendar.

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The last big news is that I have a new addition to my job. I have a one day a week appointment at the VA as a Whole Health Education Champion, which will mean I will be conducting training in the larger VA with the Office of Patient Centered Care & Cultural Transformation. I am very excited about this opportunity!

Becoming Medicine in The Badger

Posted on October 10, 2016 by davidrkopacz

The Badger is an on-line magazine on spirituality and the arts out of Italy published by Antonella Vicini. Antonella has worked with Joseph Rael in the past and I will be writing a quarterly column in the magazine under the title, “Becoming Medicine.”

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Click on the Badger link to check out the column which talks about how Joseph and I met and came to write our first book together, Walking the Medicine Wheel: Healing Trauma & PTSD.

The Book is Here!!!

Posted on October 8, 2016 by davidrkopacz

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The book that I have been working on with Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow) over the past 2 years just arrived in the mail! It looks like it is still not shipping from Amazon yet, but should be soon as it has shipped from the printer.

Judith Gadd has been working with the publisher, Paulette Millichap of Millichap books and has put up a nice website with 4 videos that my sister, Karen Kopacz, filmed earlier in the year.

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My sister, Karen , at Design for the Arts, is in the process of updating my webpage:

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I will be setting up some book talks as the next step. In general Joseph will not be traveling much, but we will kick it off together in Albuquerque and will also look at setting something up in Durango. Here is the schedule so far:

November 4, 2016: Mayo Clinic Humanities in Medicine Symposium, Phoenix, AZ

November 10, 2016: Bookworks, Albuquerque, NM (with Joseph)

December 7, 2016: University of Washington Bookstore, Seattle, WA

March 9th, 2017: Minneapolis VA

More news as it is available…

Last Conversations with Susan MacGregor

Posted on August 27, 2016 by davidrkopacz

Susan MacGregor passed away this past week.

Over the past year Susan and I have exchanged emails as she lived through her “deathing life” and this week she completed that process.

I got to know Susan through our Auckland Holistic Writer’s Group in New Zealand. We met monthly at Time Out Books in Mt Eden in Auckland.

Susan wrote sweet poetry that was very spiritual and she shared this with us in the group, but she dropped out of the group due to some health problems that eventually turned out to be Glioblastoma Multiforme brain cancer. She lived way past the usual time frame for such a tumor and she maintained a positive outlook, although it was clear she had great struggles at times. I hadn’t heard back from her over the past few weeks and a few weeks before that she typed only brief messages and often had many typos in them, a change from her previous communications.

As time went on, I would just send Susan pictures of flowers from our yard and tell her that I was thinking of her.

Please find here some of our final conversations. Even though this is a bit long for a blog post, I will make a long post and include some extra photos…

Turning to the Light, Susan MacGregor, 2016

24 May, 2016 (Susan)

Dear David,

Feeling I am starting to walk in the light now. Last night had these dreams:

First

Mahmoud & I were sitting in hilly country having a cup of tea together whilst watching a man chisel away at the outer covering of a large boulder, the covering was a greyish white. As he struck away the last chunk of stone there was a brilliant blinding release of amber coloured light. When we looked again we could see the man had found a huge boulder of citrine crystal, it was a massive boulder of very clear bright colour.

Next Dream

A large brilliant white Angel stood in front of me with a sword of white light. It turned the sword point toward the earth then plunged it into the ground. It stood there still holding the hilt of the sword as if on guard.

Next Dream

I was joined by someone in white, emitting light who gave me their hand & invited me to walk with them.

Possible Interpretations

I was thinking about the way you seemed to be able to move above things & continued to be inclusive & responsive to all of us when we were in the writers group. Thus I think the man in the first dream was you. I believe the citrine showed you have a huge power of creativity & will be highly successful in your writing work. I believe it also showed the immense level of protection around you & your ability to rise beyond negativity. Also that citrine’s light was helping me to release my negative energy.

Then the Angel & the offer to walk with a light being. The Angel felt protective, & both felt like signs that my death is not far off. I feel that Angel will be beside me all the way. When I got up today all the negativity was gone.

Many blessings

Susan xx

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The Chalice & The Rose, Susan MacGregor, 2016

May 24 (David)

Susan, thank you for sharing such amazing dreams. I have had a very active dream life this week as well and was in New Zealand and US last night.

We all labour through our lives to release the brilliance within us!

Thank you for your kind words and your blessings and being an angel of my work!

David xx

May 25 (Susan)

Dear David,

Hope you are making headway with your latest project. Do you keep a dream journal? Maybe that could be an interesting addition to your own biography one day?

I am mindful that if something causes a ripple on my inner calm there is inner work for me to do as otherwise it couldn’t take root in me. That doesn’t mean other’s energy & negative thoughts can’t impact me, nor that their issue is mine, but rather that the negativity can’t cause turmoil or remain in me when there is nothing for it to attach to. The only fully self realized being I believe has walked this earth is Jesus, whom was Christed. Thus though endeavouring to improve myself I find I also need “outside” help.

Love from Susan xx

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25 May, 2016 (Susan)

Hi,

The rose is such a pretty colour & full of new buds, looks like it will be covered in blooms soon.

My function is deteriorating, some difficulty talking, tripping over words, some stuttering. Getting some laughs out of that currently.

Mild nausea, blurred vision, breathlessness, dizziness, fatigue, tremors. Had lots of lovely visitors, 16x peeps over past 6 days. Stopping visitors except family & extended family now as most others have had opportunity to come whilst I could still talk to them.

Poems were sent last Sat. Mail is lot slower than it used to be so probably arrived to destination midway through this week. Hoping there is some merit to them. If not I will ask someone to bind them into a soft cover for family & friends.

In light & love,

Susan x x

The Central Rose, Susan MacGregor, 2016

25 May, 2016 (David)

Hi Susan, thank you for sharing with me how you are doing. I was thinking about the roses, how each one is so beautiful and bursts into the world, bringing sweet fragrance and beauty (these Angel Face variety roses have a nice scent). And then the flower gradually fades, loses a few petals and then passes away, yet in each individual flower’s passing, new space is created for the other buds that are overflowing with desire to burst forth into the world, giving of themselves and becoming themselves. Even once the flower blossom is gone, though, then the not so beautiful work begins of transforming dead flower into seed – for the rose, it turns into a bright red rose hip berry and becomes beautiful again, until once again, at its ripest, falls from the plant and begins to decay, which allows the seeds of new life to sprout and take root. It seems so beautiful with plants, with people it is a bit harder to stretch the metaphor…

When you say you sent the poems, whom did you send them too?

I have a batch that you sent me some time ago electronically. At first you said you didn’t want them posted as they were copyrighted and you were looking to publish, later, you said to go ahead and publish. I haven’t put any up yet. I’ll do a blog now and put maybe a poem, an update from you and a picture.

Here are some pictures of my little shrine on my desk where I write. I probably have a solid day or two left of editing the manuscript.

May God’s Blessings sustain and surround You,

David xoxo

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28 May, 2016 (Susan)

Dear David,

That’s wonderful, again my appreciation & thanks. Metaphor about roses very apt.

My friend from Perth is here, we are having a lot of laughs together. Having known each other from babies we have covered a lot of territory together, I will forward her contact details. Such a special person I think it will be a good link.

Re tripping up on words, in saying goodnite to Mahmoud last nite I said byebye banana, getting stuck on the ‘b’of the byebye his name then becoming banana. A bit like when I called my friend Pam Lamb, then blamed it on her having moved to a farm, lol, but of course it was pressure build up in the language areas of the brain.

You asked about the poetry I have sent it to the NZ poetry Association for review, to see what needs to be done to prep them for sending to a publisher or competitions. I have put copyright on them but don’t mind people reading them just they wouldn’t be able to use them or copy them. I don’t know how this would work for you except for me to give you permission to post them?

Blessings,

1 June, 2016 (Susan)

Dear David,

Feedback arrived from the reviewer, very useful. My “poetry” doesn’t fit into the current definition of poetry & is more akin in layout & content to 19th Century poetry. Not suitable for competitions nor publishers. It fits into rhyme, & bush poetry, but would be more accurately titled selected rhymes.

On the plus side I’m told I have an exceptional gift for rhythm & on the whole not too bad with rhyme. I am excited by the creative challenge of reworking a few of my rhymes into a modern layout & writing style. Not sure how far I’ll get but will just keep it going until I can’t do anymore. Really the most time consuming part is done, which was cataloging the key experiences in some way. Any leftover rhymes can easily be made into a booklet for family. Well worth getting the review.

Recently been told another friend is being investigated for stomach cancer. Same age as me. And my friend Kay, from Perth, who is visiting me daily lost another friend in the past few months from brain cancer & her hubby about 2yrs ago, started in his 40’s. Don’t know if I’m just more cued into things like this now due to my own experience or if its a life stage thing due to age, but seems getting more common. Also wished to ask, my friends hubby was from Polish immigrants The names Pak & Kopacz sound similar? M just arrived.

Bless, Susanxx

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3 June, 2016 (David)

Hi Susan, editing more today…but it is a beautiful day here! Very summery.

One of the things I like about your poems is the elegant language. I remember Jung said that when the archetypes were speaking, they would often use Victorian language or old formal usages. It gives a kind of timeless quality and stature to language. It is not always a good thing to be accepted by contemporary society, most great artists are not great until time passes….

[Here is one of the first poems that I remember Susan sharing with our Auckland Holistic Writers’ Group in New Zealand]

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Misty Lake Magic

Behold, your ethereal waters wrapped around

In a cloak of soft white fairy down

Oh spell-cast land of watery hues

Helpless, I am enraptured by your views

Mossy garlands festoon verdant banks

Sentinel trees guard watery flanks

Ensconced in hues; green, gold and red

Persephone to you has surely fled

Willows, with heads bent in respectful bows

Send tendrils to caress you from their boughs

Whilst gossamer threads of droplets fall

Down soft green leaves into your thrall

Gliding effortlessly, propelled by unseen hands

Snow white swans dance in your watery land

Slicing through mists which then quickly enfold

Them once again in your wispy hold

A hush has fallen, I dare not breathe

Lest this vista before me depart & leave

Or your stillness echo a disquieting sound

Dispersing this magic, exquisitely profound

Should something now disrupt this scene

I would wake violently, as if from a dream

For this vision, disconcertingly surreal

Has me fully lost within its appeal

A myriad soft lights begin to appear

Creating a shimmery stratosphere

A magical mirage before my eyes

Promising some deeper watery surprise

Continuing to look with transfixed gaze

Upon your mystical watery maze

I think I see, in your soft misty light

A fairy citadel of beauty bright

And a glimpse of creatures from another world

Messengers of magic who seemingly herald

The coming of a miracle dawn

In which all the world as this be born

And then the vision begins to fade

Your mossy banks now reveal a glade

The mists enfolding you vanish away

But not my memory of your splendour today

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MP’s birthday today! We’re off to one of the local pubs in a bit…

Sending some extra sunshine your way….

David xx

12 June, 2016 (David)

I think I commented on the comments of the reviewers in another email, but I think you are from a different time, or perhaps timeless…I think the 19th Century suits you…

11 June, 2016 (Susan)

Dear David,

Following small seizure last Friday am unable to stand or walk without 2x staff. Although previously being averse to having a catheter I have accepted the need & looked for a positive to help me adapt, the positive is I can now drink as much coffee as I like. Previously I limited coffee as it made me need to pee too much & sometimes I wasn’t able to make the toilet in time. Hope that’s not too much information?

Mahmoud stayed over one night this weekend he plans to do that once a week now. I had hoped to make my next birthday, on 25th Aug, but going by my current status predict mid-July which is ok. Have really enjoyed spending time with my life-long friend from Perth, Kay, she has been in every day until recently when she had to go to Matatmata to sort out some things for her mother who is in a Private Hospital there. Kay returns to Perth on the 17th July. We have reminisced at length, laughed, cried, listened to favoured music from our past. I am so lucky to have such a great friend!

God Bless,

Susan x x

stepping stones with petals 688e3ccd-3499-409c-a1cc-79d00eef0768

Stepping Stones with Petals, Susan MacGregor, 2016

11 June 2016 (David)

Hi Susan, you are an unfailing optimist – seizure and then can’t stand, but you are able to drink as much coffee as you like! Well, I hear you on the coffee, I would really miss that if I couldn’t have it. That is not too much information about the catheter. I had to go through medical school to become a psychiatrist.

I am glad you had such a good visit with Kay.

Every day is your birthday now…

I am so happy to see your paintings. Please keep sending them.

I have been bogged down in editing for weeks now. I thought we were getting close with the book after it went through these last edits, but there are still substantial conceptual and structural issues that need to get sorted with the book, so I have been doing long days on the weekends editing…

I did my first presentation that was starting to introduce the book a little bit. I was on a national VA conference call for the Post-Deployment Integrative Care Initiative. My talk was on “Pathways to Moral Healing.” I’ll send the PowerPoint if you can open that…

It is always so nice to hear from you, thank you for sharing yourself and your journey. Mary Pat and I were talking about you this morning and thinking we probably met about 5 years ago. I can’t remember when we started the writing group, I think maybe 2011?

Blessings

David xx

Sunshine on My Window Makes Me Happy.1, Susan MacGregor, 2016

14 June, 2016 (Susan)

Dear Friend,

Hope you are making headway with the editing? I am doing ok, not suffering, started morphine syrup…. Yuk taste but so lucky to have this option, staggered with panadol for consistent pain relief. Was nervous about taking morphine as never taken much other than panadol or Brufen so didn’t know what to expect. Wouldn’t know except no pain & slept well.

Mahmoud is staying over once a week. It is reassuring to have him with me & he does so many extra little things that make life more comfortable like massaging my feet, legs & bringing me my favourite foods. He is being strong but I see him crying when he thinks no one is watching. It breaks my heart to see his grief but be powerless to help. He, at least, will have the support of my brother whose experience of losing his first wife Ann unexpectedly at 50yrs old has given him a real understanding of the impact things will be having on Mahmoud.

Going back to the morphine I find it is rather weird, as if the Death Eaters from Harry Potter have swooped in & withdrawn life & emotion causing everything to be bland, dampened down, monotone from my norm. Not sure if that is typical. Am wondering how it will impact on the experience of dying.

Have you got someone who can give you help to edit your book?

All the best.

Love & bless,

Susan xx

Sunshine on My Window Makes Me Happy.2, Susan MacGregor, 2016

14 June, 2016 (David)

Hi Susan, that is interesting with the Morphine. I think it can cause some of that emotional blunting for people. A lot of people who get addicted to it use it for that purpose to dull emotional pain as well as physical pain.

I’m sorry for you going through all this, but I see how you are worrying about Mahmoud, too. How difficult this deathing life can be at times. It is quite an initiation process you are going through and it changes those around you as well.

With my book, Mary Pat is doing some of the editing. It is gradually shaping up. How nice it would be for us all to get together again at Time Out Books and talk over our writing and our lives…

Love & Blessings for you

David xx

14 June, 2016 (Susan)

Dear David,

Yes indeed re the meetings at Time Out. Those were good times, a great venue plus group of people. Yes it is that blunting I’m not used to. I’m glad I’ve never felt the need to do that to myself deliberately as have been able to experience so much emotionally both ups & downs that it has opened the door to being able to experience more joy, more love, more sensory pleasure.

I’m sure Mary Pat is invaluable help with editing.

As always my best wishes to you and yours.

Love & light.

21 June, 2016 (Susan)

Dear David,

Congratulations on birthing your latest work. Thank you for forwarding to me, what a treasure…I recall Chris James singing peoples’ stories to them surrounding them in a circle of voices, how moving that was for each person, used for healing from physical health issues. Also singing their names along with personal qualities. I used that in some of the group work too within mental health rehabilitation services. It’s a shame I had to hide what I was doing from more traditionally trained workers as results were good. What I hope is that mental health workers move toward a more encompassing approach of methodologies that do produce results even though they may not be mainstream. It seems easier for some people to do that within a cultural context than apply same principles to every, living being, I hope Joseph’s explanation of the principles convinces these people of the universality of the approach. Surely it will.

When added to better outcomes for the veterans you are working with.

Grumpy and Down, But Not Alone, Susan MacGregor, 2016

19 June, 2016 (Susan)

Hi,

I’ve had the worst day of all today since being diagnosed, nausea, constipation pain in neck from old neck injury being disturbed by being pulled up the bed etc…Getting into grapes, kiwifruit etc as lactulose is disgusting. My room mate puss is now dubbed Beethoven as keeps rattling his collar bells throughout the night…his Moonlight Sonata perhaps, I would love to try him on keyboards. He is such a treasure.

Beethoven, Susan MacGregor, 2016

21 June, 2016 (David)

Hi Susan, sorry to hear it is such a rough time at the Solstice.

Beethoven makes me smile.

I am just finishing the acknowledgements. Do you prefer your surname as:

MacGregor

Mac Gregor (with a space)?

Prayers, love, and lots of sunshine on this longest N Hemisphere day down to your darkest S Hemisphere day…

David xx

20/6/16 Susan

Dear David,

Glad to hear you are at the other end with editing. The no space option is preferable for my surname “MacGregor,” thanks. Feel much better now no nausea kiwifruit are working. Thank God for Mahmoud who thinks nothing of going all over town to find what I need. Yes interesting I had my darkest day on the darkest day in our hemisphere. Weather is still very mild. Supporting a friend & wife currently, just been diagnosed with stomach lymphoma. 58yrs old, comparatively I’ve had it easy. Had good role models too, a friends hubby used to be in the room opposite me same diagnosis but worse than me couldn’t talk, couldn’t walk or move independently but always kept good sense of humor, loved a joke, & exceptional self management of frustration, I used to watch over him for my friend, it seems his gift to me is in showing that even on dark days I can still be better off than others & can always access fun & laughter to lift stress. Such an exceptional person.

Lts of love,

Susan x x

Playful Kitty, Susan MacGregor, 2016

21 June, 2016 (David)

Hi Susan, glad to hear the nausea is better. Those kiwi fruit are good for everything, eh?

I’m just sending out the manuscript to potential endorsers tonight – it being the Solstice and the Full Moon, seems like a good time for that….

Here is the possibly final version of the manuscript for you to skim if you have the interest and energy, no worries if it is too taxing.

Keep on Susan-ing, as Joseph Rael would say….

David xx

24 June, 2016 (Susan)

Getting lots of rain, which I am enjoying being wrapped up warm & cosy. As the song goes… “I love a rainy night, I love a rainy night”… good there are so many things to be enjoyed still as slowly my world is becoming flatter with side effects from meds causing issues plus unpleasant aftertaste so not enjoying food at all…Nausea, constipation dealing with daily but that’s ok they are easy enough to modify with other preparations. Don’t know what to do re the unpleasant taste, except finding hot milky milo [hot chocolate] helps for short while. Picked that up from friend who died from bladder cancer, the only thing she could keep down. Thank you Erina.

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The World has Gone Flat, Susan MacGregor, 2016

12 July, 2016 (David)

Can you see the

Angel of the

Sun?

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17 July, 2016 (David)

Lilly from Madison, Wisconsin

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18 July, 2016 (Susan)

Thanku, this is wat M & I call the Susan Lilly as Susan means lilly. M buys these ones for me regularly. Having sum fun he feel bit better each day. xx

20 July, 2016 (Susan)

:).xx

21 July, 2016 (David)

🙂

31 July, 2016 (David)

Sunny here today, will send some your way…

Love,

David

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4 August 2016 (David)

Hi Susan!

I think of you often and send my thoughts and prayers to you…

Love,

David

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4 August 2016 (Susan)

Tha k nk youDazvid those thought s &

Prayershelp me through my worst days I am certain I Wouldn’t cope sometimes otherwise.

Love & blesz .xx

[Susan’s emails ended and I received a couple updates from her brother, Rob. He wrote that she passed away peacefully on 23 August, 2016. Susan had said that she hoped to make it to her next birthday of 25 August, which she very nearly did. She lived through what she called her deathing life far longer than is generally predicted for her type of cancer. We’ll close with one of Susan’s poems, which seems very appropriate around her death. I sent Susan a painting a few weeks ago, I’ll also include a photo of that as it was in progress.]

Separation

If I can’t hear you

Does it mean you’re not there?

If I can’t see you

Does it mean you’re not near?

If I can’t feel you

Does it mean you are gone?

If I believe I am alone

Would that perception be wrong?

How may I reach you

Without sight, touch, or sound?

Is there another truth

Perhaps, much more profound?

Do we all have a connection

Beyond what appears

To be a continual resurrection

Of endings and tears?

2011, S. D. Mac Gregor

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Conversations on “Deathing Life” with Susan.6

Posted on July 8, 2016 by davidrkopacz

Here is another installment on my conversations with Susan as she goes through her “deathing life” with brain cancer. Susan suggested that I share these conversations with the world and it is an honour to be able to have these conversations with her as she lives this new stage in her life, sharing her insight and wisdom.

Sometimes the dates are the same on the posts as we were responding to multiple email threads, sometimes replying to different threads on the same day.

I wonder if living a life focussed on spiritual issues makes the transition to death easier in anyway – maybe it is another spiritual life transition? Here are some more of Susan’s words:

____

March 7, 2016 (Susan)

Dear David,

Love the photos of Corbin & Sofia. Sending them a BIG energy hug.

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Yes, agreed it is challenging for staff to manage all the differing needs of palliative care, dementia care, psychiatric care, & the needs of the frail elderly.

In this facility we are all mixed in together. I believe it would be easier were the facility to have a separate palliative care section with staff given specialist training in that area. In having discussions with management they are of the same opinion.

I am slowly reading through your attachment on stewardship, & have nothing yet to add. It is written beautifully, from the heart using knowledge & personal experience. I still have more of it to read. I haven’t read a lot of Joseph’s part of the book that you are co-writing so will go onto that in the future.

What comes to mind right now in thinking about Stewardship is my lesson about energy & responsibility…when giving clairvoyant readings I used to put a lot of effort/energy into helping the client, including trying to “enlighten” them. In doing this I often found myself exhausted. Ultimately my lesson was simple…it was not my work to enlighten my clients, only to deliver the messages I was instructed to give them. It was the clients own work to seek enlightenment. It was not my exhaustable energy that was needed to deliver guidance & support…all I needed to do was to be a willing conduit actively engaging with the person with right intention, a compassionate heart, & openess to the inexhaustible energy of Source. Having done this I used to find that rather than feeling depleted, I was greatly energised …on all levels.

Rising Consciousness, Susan MacGregor

I have read about the man you mentioned who can move his eyes & lids only [Jean-Dominique Bauby, author of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly]. Remarkable person. Much more fortitude, tolerance of pain, acceptance of incapacity than myself. Things I can’t do now are; drive, dance, play piano, crochet, cook/bake without help, dance, walk barefoot through woods, swim, soak in the sea, stroll through parks or gardens, kayak, walk barefoot in the sand, take full care of a pet, dress myself, shower myself, make my bed, fold or hang my clothes…. etc., etc. Many tasks are full of difficulty. I have, as you said, needed to turn away from the physical, external plus give up much of my independence. It’s been hard to ask for help & relinquish my high standards/preferred ways of doing things. It’s been a major loss to no longer be able to freely move when or where I wish. My fragile energy is drained every day doing basic things e.g. pulling up my pants after toileting. I find myself angry with this new body I’m in, its constant pain & limitations. I look forward to the freedom of relinquishing this tired used up lump of flesh that entraps my spirit.

diving-bell-cover

The_Diving_Bell_and_the_Butterfly_DVD

On another note we recently returned from a road trip up north to my birthplace of Whangarei, first property at Hihi Beach Mangonui & childhood haunts around Kerikeri, Puketi Forest etc. Travel is very uncomfortable & excursions limited to wheelchair friendly areas. However this physical journey felt very important to me, in that I was connecting with key parts of my life then actively letting them go by saying goodbye to that area. Some people believe we leave energy imprints in places, so this was, in a sense, an opportunity to pick up pieces of myself. I had been doing some of this previously by going through photos & memories with Mahmoud, my brother, foster sister & niece. However the physical journey has made this process feel more complete.

Lastly today…I don’t find death morbid. Viewing it that way would seem to convey it is somehow dirty, repugnant, & to be avoided at all costs. The labour of death may not be pretty nor comfortable, but neither is the labour of birthing into this life. It is merely a transition, transformative in its process.

Colour My World, Susan MacGregor

Choosing my own coffin … it was like choosing a new car, exciting & full of anticipation. I have nothing to lose …. I either go to oblivion, being oblivious to all further suffering or go to the home from whence I came.

Love & Bless,

Susan

March 7, 2016 (Susan)

Dear David,

I have absolutely no issues at all in your use of content from our email discussions. In fact I consider it an honour & privilege. If any of it can resonate in a helpful way for others that’s good. However my poems are different, in that I have copyright on them. Mahmoud will be their owner when I pass away.

I find I can’t cope with a lot of mental “stuff” now, so often you will find I’m slow to respond.

To answer one of your questions, I have always had one foot in this world & one in the next, being clairvoyant, clairsentient & clairaudient all my life, plus experiencing lucid dreaming, premonitions, recall of some past lives, etc. Things are no different for me now.

In regards Joseph Rael’s statement “we don’t exist” I can’t agree with that totally. Rather I take the perspective that…Energy never dies…in our true form we are light beings/having energy…we do exist but confuse our physical beingness & ego identity with our true self. Our true self, originating from the source of energy & light, doesn’t belong to us in fact, but rather to the “I am” presence, i.e. God. Our purpose then is to return love/ light to our source. We do this by being manifestations of love & light in the world…living ethical, moral lives, & loving our source as much as we love creation plus ourselves. If we confuse only what can be seen, heard or experienced by our baser bodies, for truth, we lose sight of all of the magic & mystery in our existence & become unconscious automatons. Also I believe our soul is a combined vibratory record of all our actions, thoughts, non actions, throughout various lifetimes. Thus our soul survives each lifetime in the form of a collective memory, alongside the myriad other souls, or perhaps merged with all other souls.

When applying principles of vibration to healing, remember each word we utter has a vibratory pattern, plus a positive or negative connection in an individual’s memory. NLP teaches a lot about linguistic principles which can then be included into therapeutic groups & 1:1 therapy.

Talking more along the topic of vibration, I recall one event in which participants were called to list all items hidden beneath a cloth…several participants got many correct & one got all. How is this possible? We are sensing the energy pattern of different objects. Divine principles govern energy & light & I Believe that the divine Being I call God orchestrates these principles to various ends. If we trespass upon these principles we suffer negative consequences.

Turning to the Light, Susan MacGregor

During one meditation I…meaning my spiritual self…passed through a tunnel toward a door. On opening the door a brilliant light was present & loud sound similar to the rushing of a strong wind. “I” immediately felt myself flying through space & time, hieroglyphs & symbols shooting past at a tremendous speed. I have come to believe that these symbols unlock certain energies & memories. Can I remember the symbols now…no, not consciously, but I later learnt Reiki which uses various symbols in its healing, seeming to reinforce this perspective. The higher our rate of vibration, the more “light” we are. Perhaps the more light we are, the more removed we are from “ego” consciousness & the consequences of a denser reality…I consider that this was how the Buddhist healing techniques freed me from 6yrs of constant pain i.e. by raising my vibratory level. Also Vibration from trumpets, chanting & tempered walking flattened the walls of Jericho, as recorded in the bible. So it is a two edged sword, having power to raise up & to destroy.

When I was 18yrs old the I Am informed me that there are 7x worlds above & 7x worlds below; referring to vibratory realms. Planet earth is in the middle, like the heart of the entire organism. Earth is Jesus’s footstool, he being the divine being supplanted in earthly soil. It is here, due to our own free will that we can increase our light quotient, or decrease it. We influence this by our deeds, words, thoughts, plus not taking action when it is needed.

Well enough from me, I am tired, & perhaps tiring you with these thoughts too.

The very best.

From Susan

ps, Sorry didn’t mention the trumpets also when referring to Jericho.

March 11, 2016 (Susan)

Hi to all my beautiful friends & family.

I trust & hope you are all ok.

Sorry to say you may not hear much from me from now on.

Following a few lovely days away up north, upon returning to the P.Hospital I had a significant seizure. I am now very weak & will not be able to maintain the Skype chats or emails as previous. We are trying to get to Tauranga for a few days. To assist I am taking dexamethasone. However that will stop on returning. I expect thereafter the seizures & strokes we were told about will take hold.

Please don’t be sad for me, I am happy to leave this disabled body & go to a place beyond the suffering & struggles of this world. I have led a blessed life with the love of good parents, friends, family, & of course Mahmoud, a good career & lots of fun along the way. Thank you all for the memories & support.

When I leave I will be caught in the embrace of angels with a heart full of joy.

Love you always,

Susan xx

Love, XX, Susan MacGregor

[Susan had sent this email, but then some days later began emailing again]

March 18, 2016 (David)

Hi Susan, your thoughts are never tiring to me, always fresh and vibrant. Thanks for sending these details about your spiritual and mystical experiences in life.

I haven’t posted anything yet.

Do you have photo I could include on the blog? Or a suggestion for an image and I’ll find something on the internet.

In the second book Joseph Rael and I are working on, we will focus on how to develop a vibrational or visionary sense, another way of perceiving ourselves and the world. I am looking forward to delving deeper into that. I am also planning a book on Carl Jung and Philip K. Dick’s visions that keeps getting put off. Thank you for sharing your experience of the tunnel of hieroglyphics.

So much of what you say about vibration makes so much sense. Joseph speaks a lot about vibration and called his classic book, Being & Vibration. Physics, too, seems to be moving toward a view of matter as energy and vibration, rather than the solid objects that we perceive as a “table” a “chair.”

Joseph Rael, by Susan MacGregor

I better get working on the talks I am going to be doing in Grand Junction, Colorado in a couple weeks.

Blessings,

David

March 18, 2016 (David)

Hi Susan,

Your journey to your roots sounds very important. My last month in New Zealand I took a road trip by myself and went up to Cape Reinga and stopped through Mangonui and Hihi Beach, a beautiful area.

Cape Reinga

DSCN0318

Thank you for your thoughts on Stewardship and for sharing how beautiful your journey is even with all the loss and disability. In your writing I only sense the liveliness of your spirit and not any of the limitations of your body. I like how you describe being a conduit or channel to Source. That is such a sweet feeling to have that flow through.

With the book, I have been contacting people for possible endorsement blurbs on the book. So far I have had a lot of excitement from people.

We had a guest at our Whole Health Class that we run for veterans, this week. Mike Lee, who is from the plains tribes and is an elder of the American Lake VA Sweat Lodge, spoke with us. He did a ceremony in which we turned off the lights and sat facing outward in a circle, with our backs to each other, and then he sang a couple songs and kept time on his drum. It was very moving. He said that our bodies are made of the body of Mother Earth and they are not our own, our spirit moves through them for a while. We breathe in at the start of life and we breathe out at the end of life. It is all just one big breath, moving through some earth, and there really is no such thing as death as the breath and spirit never die. It was very beautiful.

Here are some pictures from my trip to Northland, New Zealand…

Cape Reinga Light House

DSCN0373

Meeting of Tasman Sea (left) and Pacific Ocean (right) off of northernmost point of New Zealand, Cape Reinga

Beautiful day here, today, clear, we can see the Olympic mountain range, covered with snow, to the West, and the Cascade Range to the East, not as tall, but also with snow, and to the south the massive bulk of Mt Rainer, a vast snow-covered peak.

My heart and thoughts and prayers are with you,

David

xoxoxo

March 18 2016 (Susan)

Hi David,

Thank you for the photos. You looked very relaxed in the caravan, with hot drink in hand…that’s the life eh?

DSCN0392

Having only now read your email the things that come to mind as a picture for the blog could be based on what has been shared…perhaps something with swirling patterns of coloured light, transposed with transparent images of symbols, angels or such.

Untitled, David Kopacz, 2013

Speaking more of vibration, I have wondered if we ourselves actively influence vibratory patterns when having visions so that the vision suits a frame of reference that we are familiar with being merely representational, rather than actual, in its appearance. As typically we would not visually perceive vibration itself, & the mind has a tendency to want to organise sensory stimulus into orderly patterns that are familiar. This could be at work in psychosis as well, with the visual hallucinations matching an internal vibratory state & using images that represent that state for the person.

When seeing angels ascending staircases this occurred to me.

Flying High, Susan MacGregor

In Whangarei one of the Senior Psychiatrists was Sufi, we talked about Sufism & my interest became piqued. Knowing me somewhat he would refer clients to my caseload, as a Mental Health Rehabilitation Therapist, who were reluctant to be treated medically due to the belief they were psychic, not unwell.

My approach here was based on having a foot in each camp i.e. I informed the client that I do believe in illness including illnesses of the neurological functions of the brain, but I also believed in Psychics & knew some personally. In CBT fashion I then invited the client to “scientifically” approach the questions of … am I Psychic or am I unwell, or am I a bit of both? Using DSM we would list on one side of a whiteboard diagnostic criteria, on the other side the phenomenon experiences of what we collectively knew about psychics, drawing from our personal experiences as well as what we had read or found out from others. We then ticked or crossed off items from each list to see what was left. In the few cases I worked with in this manner we typically ended up with some items from each list. The client was then asked to return to the three choices at the start to hypothesize where they might sit along a continuum. End result being the client usually concluded they had a little illness & accepted orthodox treatment knowing that if they wished to do a “planned” withdrawal from meds I would support them in that. With this input they were typically offered much less in the way of medications as they were able to express more clearly to their Psychiatrist only the DSM symptoms they were having & had lost their fears re other phenomenon, having talked these through & being given some “alternative” strategies to manage these if they wished….I hope this illustrates one way mental health workers could include a more wholistic paradigm into mental health diagnosis.

In personal experience with visions, voices, sensations one thing has remained clearly differentiated compared to DSM, i.e. I have never lost awareness of who I am, what is me, what is other, what is “real” what is vision or other experience…. in other words my ego boundaries have remained intact, no psychotic break has occurred. Only once have I been in a situation where I felt controlled by something not me. This happened when I was learning about “channeling”. However I established control again via focusing my mind on a particular piece of music. I never liked “channeling, & never did it again.

Well seems each time you send me something it brings to mind something else. You are definitely a positive catalyst in my life. Thank you.

With best wishes for your continued development of new ways for “being” in healthcare.

Love from,

Susan MacGregor

The Chalice and the Rose, Susan MacGregor

Conversations with Susan.5

Posted on July 4, 2016 by davidrkopacz

Susan MacGregor and I have been continuing our email correspondence and she has been updating me on her process of “deathing life” as she lives with her brain cancer and copes with the changes that brings.

Susan has encouraged me to share her thoughts and words and paintings with others as she continues to grow and change in this “deathing life” process.

These are some of our conversations from February and March and I will include some of Susan’s recent artwork.

Rising Consciousness, Susan MacGregor

_______

2/26/16 (David)

Hi Susan, thank you for such beautiful, heart-felt writing. I will draw upon it as I put together these 11 hours of talks to patients, family members and staff around end-of-life decisions and hospice. What can we call it instead of “end-of-life?” I like your term “deathing life.” I have a working title of “Holistic Decision-making Across the Lifespan,” but I am writing about holistic decision-making and death or deathing life. I don’t like the phrase “end of life” so much, as it doesn’t sound active enough.

Can you open a PowerPoint on your computer? I will send you a drafts of the lectures if you are interested….

I am interested in developing something around “death stewardship,” or the dying process as a form of initiation in which the role of family and staff is to support the active, transformative initiation of person in the deathing life phase.

What you have written is so beautiful and full of wisdom. If you would like a public speaking space, I think your words would be an honor to my blog, Being Fully Human, if you would care to have me post them. I don’t want to exploit your deathing life, but I wouldn’t mind mining your wisdom and sharing with others what you would like to share.

Thank you for the gift of yourself!

2/26/16 (Susan)

Dear David,

Thank you again for your appreciation & support.

I am not sure about power point as am using a tablet. Computer is at home but don’t go home much.

I would feel honoured for you to use any of what I send in whatever way you think appropriate. Perhaps if you will bear with me I will write more….

I feel the term “deathing” life conveys a more active involvement in the tasks & processes of leaving this world than other more commonly used terms. And it is also meant to convey that I am still very much living.

Strong, Loving Arms Enfold Me Each Day, Susan MacGregor

I have found the love & support of others key to my being able to move onto the life inventory work mentioned previously, i.e. the non critical, non judgemental acceptance of my life as a whole. I haven’t experienced all of the classical stages of dying as described by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, whether that’s due to my spiritual beliefs or other factors I’m not sure. There has been no anger, no “why me”, no bargaining…so I think it would be false to believe everyone follows that path exactly. There has been sadness, letting go, cherishing, & communing, in a very rich meaningful way. I am approaching my death willing to accept it as a transitional stage of life, & as a part of my life that I can still be actively involved in. The ability to self reflect has been a great bonus, & I believe would be a useful skill for anyone to have. Mindfulness has been a useful tool & having alone time has been essential. I’ve found I have no interest in establishing new bonds, although this still happens naturally. Rather, existing bonds have been my focus & there has been a “turning inward” away from the world. Sometimes this has been hard for Rest Home staff to accept, as their focus is more on maintaining an active, engaged life as people age. Their desire has been to fill my hours up with activities, which I have resisted. Other helpful tasks have involved completing an Advanced Directive, detailing how I would like to be cared for & where I wish to die, plus meeting with a Funeral Director to discuss my wishes (plus inform Mahmoud of what to expect, as there is no embalming of the body etc. in his culture). I have engaged Hospice Services into a “shared care” relationship with the Rest Home Facility as they are the experts in care of the dying. I have chosen my last piece of furniture, i.e. my coffin, where I wish to be buried, & Mahmoud & I have chosen a headstone/a double one. All these things done I am now enjoying the time I have seeing friends, family, having outings & doing short trips in NZ. So that is my life until I am “returned to sender”.

All the very best to you & family.

God Bless,

Susan

3/1/16 (Susan)

Dear David,

I have been reading through the attachments you sent when energy allows. I am finding your writing enjoyable, cohesive & easy to read. I am still reading through Joseph’s writings.

So good to hear mention of Joseph Campbell, one of my “heroes” in developing my thinking about spiritual matters. And Martin Buber still rings clearly in my mind from Psychotherapist training. Some of what you speak of reminds me of the concept of the Adam Kadmon within the Kabbalah & gnostic or Pauline Christianity. I certainly relate to the perspective that all is vibration. In fact this reality made it possible for me to be healed via a Buddhist sound technique taught to me at a healing retreat by Chris .This technique enabled me to move beyond 6yrs of constant pain, which I was experiencing due to a ruptured c5 disc. On day 2 of this week long retreat all pain dissappeared, & though subsequent x rays show the old injury still exists with narrowing between the discs, I have never returned to that daily, debilitating pain. Also as a result of the work we did on this retreat I entered such a heightened sensitivity that I experienced the “oneness” you talk about, including hearing the sound that “everything” makes. This retreat spoke directly to my heart, enabling me to release the feelings of longing & sadness I had internalised, engendered by my belief that I was “separated” from God.

Breath travels through matter, creating movement which creates sound. Sound alters vibration & structural patterning. Years ago I experimented with the music of Geoff Clarkson, a Kiwi musician who composes music to aid meditation, relaxation etc. I was Matron of a Rest Home at the time, & found my residents were often fractious, having petty squabbles & altercations. Playing Geoff’s original soundtrack of “Butterfly” via the paged music system had such a profound effect on staff & residents that I later incorporated his CDs & live music sessions with him into my work in Psychosocial & Inpatient rehabilitation.

In looking at memory & PTSD I am reminded of my training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which was a 1yr elective at Psychotherapy school. I found a combination of CBT & NLP more effective than CBT alone in getting results with anxiety sufferers.

It gives me joy to read how you are incorporating a peaceful approach towards talking about war & the development of war consciousness. Through Kriya Yoga I was benefited by learning that the way to protest for change is by creating more balance of peaceful, proactive, or positive energy. This is to counterbalance the energy of anger, hate, violence, already in the world. Some of the early “circle dancing” I did, missed this point, with facilitators propagating, “express you anger into the dance”, with no modifying expression to follow.

With discussion of the four directions I am reminded of four Archangels; Michael, Raphael, Uriel, & Gabriel. These vibratory emanations speak to the Mastery of the colour/sound/movement components you mention. I am currently wondering how I can use knowledge about suffering for myself, regarding my physical disability. Though the cancer hasn’t thrown me, the disability has. I am certainly not at peace with that. The only thing I can be grateful to it for, is that it is making it easier to let go of this existence.

Flying High, Susan MacGregor

As you can see, your writings have moved me to recall these moments within my own life, & some of the rich teachings I have been privileged to discover. Thank you for that.

All the very best, may your work be blessed to produce the results you want.

Kind regards, Susan MacGregor

Conversations with Susan.4

Posted on May 28, 2016 by davidrkopacz

Angel Face Rose

26 May, 2016 (Susan):

Hi,

The rose is such a pretty colour & full of new buds, looks like it will be covered in blooms soon.

My function is deteriorating, some difficulty talking, tripping over words, some stuttering. Getting some laughs out of that currently.

In light & love,

Susan x x

An Angel Without Wings, Susan Mac Gregor, May 2016

28 May, 2016 (Dave):

Even once the flower blossom is gone, though, then the not so beautiful work begins of transforming dead flower into seed – for the rose, it turns into a bright red rose hip berry and becomes beautiful again, until once again, at its ripest, falls from the plant and begins to decay, which allows the seeds of new life to sprout and take root. It seems so beautiful with plants, with people it is a bit harder to stretch the metaphor…

When you say you sent the poems, whom did you send them too? Was it to XLIBRIS?

I have a batch that you sent me some time ago electronically. At first you said you didn’t want them posted as they were copyrighted and you were looking to publish, later, you said that I should post some of them on the blog. I haven’t put any up yet. I’ll do a blog now and put maybe a poem, an update from you and a picture.

Here are some pictures of my little shrine on my desk where I write. I probably have a solid day or two left of editing the manuscript.

Here are the plans for my future books:

Becoming Your Own Medicine, with Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow)

Art Medicine, with Joseph Rael

Healing Circles of the World, with Joseph Rael

Return: The Hero’s Journey Home after War and Other Life Events

Re-spiritualizing Medicine

Every Thought Leads to Infinity: The Role of Visions in the Life & Work of Carl G. Jung and Philip K. Dick

That should keep me busy for a while…

May God’s Blessings sustain and surround You,

Dave xoxo

Earlier email with update for Susan’s bio…

15 May, 2016 (Susan)

Dear David,

This is a more accurate reflection of my early life.

As a young girl I was identified as being brighter than my peers. My teachers wished to advance me 1yr but my parents, sensibly, declined. However this advantage stood me in good stead later in life, achieving honours passes in all fields of my post school study, both theory & practice. My weak area was maths. My good fortune led to job offers in some instances & to offers of sponsorship into further study. None of which I pursued, instead prioritizing my desire to have a freehold property. As I was single until my late 20’s that meant putting in overtime shifts. When I did marry I made a poor choice, which delayed things somewhat. I then put myself into high debt to buy a house in Auckland that could accommodate taking in my sick parents. I was glad to do that, those years with them being very special, though stressfull. After they passed away I began to experience a series of illnesses requiring surgeries then was diagnosed with the cancer. Prior to my parent’s deaths I met Mahmoud. We have known each other 13yrs. Throughout that time he has helped me & my parents. The home in Papamoa Beach Tauranga is slowly being paid off as it is rented out.

Motuotau Island, Tauranga, 2013 Jan.March

Motuotau Island, Tauranga, New Zealand

Though my childhood home was full of love, music, laughter & creativity, my parents were poor. We could stay at Tauranga Bay Motor Camp free of charge because mum had divined their water supply. Access to bush, beaches, nature was close by. But sometimes my parents had no money for food except bread & milk. There were no WINZ benefits then & though Social Welfare paid a clothing allowance for my 4x fostered siblings, they didn’t pay any other expenses relating to their care. My clothes & shoes were hand me downs from other families. We did what we could collecting windfall fruit to eat from orchardists who knew the situation. We also collected shellfish from the beaches, & dad built one of N.Z.s first Kontikis to fish with which was a success. However there were days when our tummies were only filled with bread & milk. This occurred between my years of 11yrs to 13yrs, spiralling into my mother’s ill health & lengthy hospitalisation when I was 11yrs. She had uncontrolled hypertension & was having blackouts. Being the eldest daughter I took on her duties, caring for my siblings, doing household washing, ironing, helping Dad with food preparation, bathing younger siblings, & organizing the housework rota. When mum was back home I stayed off school often, as she was anxious to be left on her own. Eventually my father secured work as a Carpenter at Kingseat Hospital, Sth Auckland, which job came with a small house. Due to the size of the house & mums ongoing poor health they decided to move only with their two natural children, my brother & I. Amongst others, I was heartbroken by that decision. Mum soon found work too at the Hospital, as a Domestic Supervisor. The move did mean my parents were able to get out of debt. Plus they were able to feed & clothe my brother & me. Thus life improved despite the continued sadness re my fostered brothers & sisters.

The rest of the previous bio still applies, only I had glossed over the financial situation, & omitted a key aspect of my fortunate genetic inheritance.

Mt Maunganui, Tauranga, New Zealand

Good cheer to you,

Susan xx

Tauranga, New Zealand

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